Qualified to weigh in
I'm feeling like waxing poetic about parenting. Are you ready for it?
I don't even know where to start. All non-parents have heard the same "Just you wait!" warnings - your relationship with sleep changes, your appreciation for silence skyrockets, your selfishness decreases by default, your conversations about poop happen way too often. To all the people spewing that - shhhhhhhh. Think about what you are trying to accomplish. Making your single and/or kidless friends feel better about their lives? I don't think they need it. Making your pregnant friends even more freaked out than they already are? They really don't need it! Or maybe you're miserable with your life decision and just want to whine. People really don't want to hear that. :) The only time it's acceptable is when you are having a bad day, surrounded by people in the same situation, and drinking wine. Because then you're bonding. :P
I love my kids but most other moms probably don't think I'm the best at it. I tend to be a little... hands off. (Just kidding, we had a very successful sleepover last night with 5 kids under 6.) I want to be on top of all the little things going on, but it's exhausting! And if I were on top of everything, we certainly wouldn't be having sleepovers because that would just be way too stressful. Imagine all the planning! Ack!
I do not always like parenting. It's a job, people! I do it because I love it, but that doesn't mean that I always like it. (Matt loves hearing, "I love you alllll the time, but I don't always like you." Joke.)
I'm embarrassingly flakey at the moment. Seriously, Lillian's daycare pretty much called me out on it. I don't embarrass easily, but the shame is giving me renewed energy to come off as less of a flake. I just cannot seem to manage life with 3 kid very smoothly, and I keep thinking about that damn article that says 4 kids is better than 3 so you stress less. But the idea of 4 makes me have a panic attack. :) It used to take me 15 minutes to get ready in the morning. Now it takes me over an hour, and I inevitably forget something like diapers or food. Luckily I'm pretty good about remembering the babies.
Accepting help is something that took me a while to do. The second any line of thinking starts with, "I'm the only one who can..." you should probably just stop. Stop right there and take a deep breath and a walk. It's not true. "I'm the only one who can soothe him!", "I'm the only one who can feed her!", "I'm the only one who can change a diaper!" You may be the best person for those jobs, but you're not the only person for those jobs. So my advice for soon to be parents is to realize that even though things might not fall into your idea of Best Way to Parent, 2nd Best Way to Parent might actually make you a better person. :)
What I've come to realize is that the best way for me to be a parent is to slow down, focus on one thing at a time, accept help, and stay close to home. If I do these things, I absolutely love my life. I end the day thinking that I live in some fairy tale book or smarmy sitcom. I feel *accomplished*. I feel like the world is right and I'm following the natural progression of things and that God has A Plan. The days when I try to cram in 5 "fun" things, inevitably misjudging how much time each will take and yelling my head off while my kids cry because a) I'm mean, and b) they're overwhelmed, those are the days that I want to tell people how much WORK kids are.
(Eve has been demanding a snack for the past 10 minutes, so I'm sure this didn't come across the way I wanted it to (FLAKE!), but hopefully you get the picture and aren't offended. I'm coming, Eve!)
*******************Addendum***********************
While marinating on this post, I had a thought. There are some parents who make conscious personal sacrifices so that their children can have every advantage they can possibly give. With absolutely no sarcasm or judgment, I applaud these parents. This is a choice they are making in the present to attain a future best goal. It is admirable. Their children may grow up to be Olympians or virtuosos or inventors of amazing things. I am not sure that I'm setting my kids up for any of those things, and I have some guilt over it. I think that maybe I'm not the caliber of those parents, and hope that my girls become ordinary doctors or engineers or something else slightly above average. :)
I don't even know where to start. All non-parents have heard the same "Just you wait!" warnings - your relationship with sleep changes, your appreciation for silence skyrockets, your selfishness decreases by default, your conversations about poop happen way too often. To all the people spewing that - shhhhhhhh. Think about what you are trying to accomplish. Making your single and/or kidless friends feel better about their lives? I don't think they need it. Making your pregnant friends even more freaked out than they already are? They really don't need it! Or maybe you're miserable with your life decision and just want to whine. People really don't want to hear that. :) The only time it's acceptable is when you are having a bad day, surrounded by people in the same situation, and drinking wine. Because then you're bonding. :P
I love my kids but most other moms probably don't think I'm the best at it. I tend to be a little... hands off. (Just kidding, we had a very successful sleepover last night with 5 kids under 6.) I want to be on top of all the little things going on, but it's exhausting! And if I were on top of everything, we certainly wouldn't be having sleepovers because that would just be way too stressful. Imagine all the planning! Ack!
I do not always like parenting. It's a job, people! I do it because I love it, but that doesn't mean that I always like it. (Matt loves hearing, "I love you alllll the time, but I don't always like you." Joke.)
I'm embarrassingly flakey at the moment. Seriously, Lillian's daycare pretty much called me out on it. I don't embarrass easily, but the shame is giving me renewed energy to come off as less of a flake. I just cannot seem to manage life with 3 kid very smoothly, and I keep thinking about that damn article that says 4 kids is better than 3 so you stress less. But the idea of 4 makes me have a panic attack. :) It used to take me 15 minutes to get ready in the morning. Now it takes me over an hour, and I inevitably forget something like diapers or food. Luckily I'm pretty good about remembering the babies.
Accepting help is something that took me a while to do. The second any line of thinking starts with, "I'm the only one who can..." you should probably just stop. Stop right there and take a deep breath and a walk. It's not true. "I'm the only one who can soothe him!", "I'm the only one who can feed her!", "I'm the only one who can change a diaper!" You may be the best person for those jobs, but you're not the only person for those jobs. So my advice for soon to be parents is to realize that even though things might not fall into your idea of Best Way to Parent, 2nd Best Way to Parent might actually make you a better person. :)
What I've come to realize is that the best way for me to be a parent is to slow down, focus on one thing at a time, accept help, and stay close to home. If I do these things, I absolutely love my life. I end the day thinking that I live in some fairy tale book or smarmy sitcom. I feel *accomplished*. I feel like the world is right and I'm following the natural progression of things and that God has A Plan. The days when I try to cram in 5 "fun" things, inevitably misjudging how much time each will take and yelling my head off while my kids cry because a) I'm mean, and b) they're overwhelmed, those are the days that I want to tell people how much WORK kids are.
(Eve has been demanding a snack for the past 10 minutes, so I'm sure this didn't come across the way I wanted it to (FLAKE!), but hopefully you get the picture and aren't offended. I'm coming, Eve!)
*******************Addendum***********************
While marinating on this post, I had a thought. There are some parents who make conscious personal sacrifices so that their children can have every advantage they can possibly give. With absolutely no sarcasm or judgment, I applaud these parents. This is a choice they are making in the present to attain a future best goal. It is admirable. Their children may grow up to be Olympians or virtuosos or inventors of amazing things. I am not sure that I'm setting my kids up for any of those things, and I have some guilt over it. I think that maybe I'm not the caliber of those parents, and hope that my girls become ordinary doctors or engineers or something else slightly above average. :)
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