Personal Savior

Recently I've been grappling with one of the basic tenants of Christianity - the personal savior.  I haven't read much on it, but I'm pretty sure someone else has already thought this through much more eloquently than I will.  And yet, that doesn't mean I don't get to think about it myself...

God has gradually become a more central piece of my life in the past few years.  This is by design.  I want to strengthen my foundation as well as pass along faith to my children.  Maybe Catholicism, maybe not, but I want them to feel the love and solace that I have when I feel connected to God.  Like there is something infinitely bigger.  Something benevolent.  Something amazing.  That anything is possible and we are not limited nearly as much as we think we are.  I love Catholicism for many reasons, but the root of them is my connection to the community.  Lately I have been in a more evangelical circle that talks about what God (sometimes in the form of Jesus) has done for them.  Healed the sick.  Opened their eyes.  Gave them strength in a time of need.  And so on, and so forth.  I hear them ask for prayers to cure cancer, or help them get pregnant, or get a job, and it makes me uncomfortable.  Not that I don't believe that God can accomplish any of those things, but because I don't think that is...  (having a hard time finishing this thought)

I don't think that is the right way to go about it.  In all of this, I view my relationship with God as a parent/child.  My kidlets just hauled in a huge stash of Halloween goodies.  HUGE.  They begged me for more and more and more.  And I said, "No."  There were a few reasons - I was putting one to bed.  I don't want them to get sugar cracked out.  I don't want to wreck their teeth or give them diabetes.  But all of these reasons didn't compute in their brain.  All they heard was "No."  I have my reasons, but my reasons don't make sense in toddler brains.  That is how I see God's Plan.  I think that things happen for a reason.  Or maybe not a specific reason, but maybe there is something that we learn in the aftermath that makes us better people.  (And is making us better people God's Plan?  I doubt that's the last stop on this logic train, but that's a thought for another time.)

I don't think that praying for a specific outcome is the right way to go about it, because I think that it would be incredibly selfish and maybe small minded to do that.  Instead, I usually try to pray, "Let this work out for the best" and then I sincerely hope with all my heart that I have the strength and wisdom to accept that "the best" may mean total devastation on my part.  And that is why I have trouble with a personal Savior.  Like a parent, I have to think that He is looking at the long term and not my immediate travails.  I have a hard time believing that if I get *that* job/car/date, it will end up being a true instrument of whatever that big plan is, so why should He get involved?  On the other hand, just like I hope my kids do, I want Him to be proud of me and so I try to act accordingly.

End random faith-based reflection.  I'm glad I got that out, but I am sure this is an evolving subject in my life. It'll be interesting to see where it goes.