Sad

My heart hurts.  A sweet child drowned this weekend and I just can not stop thinking about how incredibly unspeakably devastating it is.  I can't stop thinking about how the mother feels.  I think it is selfish to take someone else's loss and make it about how upset you are (I am).  But as a  mother I can't help but connect to every other mother, especially when their children are the same age as mine and we are both living the same trials and tribulations.  How do you live with that?  How do you deal with it?  These things happen in the abstract, in theory, but when it happens to someone you know...

My heart hurts.

My heart hurts for the parents who will have to live without seeing their child grow, with the guilt of wondering if they could have done something different.  My heart hurts for the whole family, who will now always feel the presence of someone who is not there.  My heart hurts for the family that will now never be able to fully reconnect, and for all the sorrow and the bitterness and the rage that they must endure.

Tonight I hugged my babies extra tight, and loved them as much as I could possibly squeeze into the moments, and cherished their chubby little legs and their adorable smiles because Thank You God it wasn't my turn to feel her loss.  But still my heart hurts.  If only this loss feeling were finite, and my hurting removed some of theirs.

My heart hurts.

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