Boys, Guys, and Men.
Joy posted a link to this article on FB about 20-something males.. "Where Have the Good Men Gone?"
What Ms. Klausner means by "guys" is males who are not boys or men but something in between. "Guys talk about 'Star Wars' like it's not a movie made for people half their age; a guy's idea of a perfect night is a hang around the PlayStation with his bandmates, or a trip to Vegas with his college friends.... They are more like the kids we babysat than the dads who drove us home."
But here's my thought on this... you only get to live once. And many of us will be living until 80+. So I don't think it's such a bad thing to take an extra 5 or 10 years figuring out your life and enjoying it. These are the things I think but don't normally say, because you know what this blog is going to be about? Selfishness. The good Christian in me says that we should be responsible and selfless. The over-educated, well paid girl in me who was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to live that single city life says "HOORAY!". I love my husband, and my babies, and are new little house, and our career driven jobs. But when we first moved to Boston, going to work in the city, not having a whole lot of expectations, going out to try restaurants and clubs and explore the sites - man, how awesome is THAT? Sitting around playing Rockband with your friends, or sharing an apartment with your college buddy - what a sweet life! I couldn't have done it forever, and honestly, I was ready for this suburban life by the time we left, but I will always be grateful for that time.
I guess the point of this article is really that men don't see the need to ever get past that low-expectation-high-disposable-income stage of life. Not being a man, I can't really speak to that, although I can see the benefits. Most women are weirdly hardwired to make and raise babies. We convince men that this is a good thing to do, and that someday they will be glad that we made them leave their happy little selfish bubble for this struggle that is parenthood. And I would guess (with really nothing to back this up), that at the end of the line, they ARE happy about being Dads. Having just gone out to dinner with my Dad, I'm pretty sure he never would have asked for 4 strong-willed girls. But even for all our adult issues, I have no doubt that he loves us very much and wouldn't give us back for all the gold in the world.
The other point that I find interesting is the thought that once a male does settle down and become a "Man", then his fun is over. Matt and I make it a point to spend our money doing "selfish" trips. Right now he's snowboarding in Maine. Without me. Because in return, I got to spend NYE partying with my friends while he watched the girls. It's sad that we can't do these awesome things together because of the wee ones, but it I think it's awesome that we can (so far) be a happy family and be happy individuals. I'm pretty sure there are certain people close to us that disapprove of our methods and believe that once you have a family, you should live your life doing only family things. I haven't done any research to see if the people who work like we do are more likely to end up in divorce, but I don't think so. In fact, the one reason one of us stays home is because it seems like that's the better option for our family. Parents maintain mental sanity, kids maintain normal home routine. Win win.
The bottom line is, I don't want to grow up. I want to live my life responsibly enough that my children turn out as capable adults with a sense of humor, and my marriage grows stronger by the year. But only *just* responsibly enough. The rest of the time I want to be having fun with other responsibly fun people :)
(thanks, Joy, for the brain food)
What Ms. Klausner means by "guys" is males who are not boys or men but something in between. "Guys talk about 'Star Wars' like it's not a movie made for people half their age; a guy's idea of a perfect night is a hang around the PlayStation with his bandmates, or a trip to Vegas with his college friends.... They are more like the kids we babysat than the dads who drove us home."
But here's my thought on this... you only get to live once. And many of us will be living until 80+. So I don't think it's such a bad thing to take an extra 5 or 10 years figuring out your life and enjoying it. These are the things I think but don't normally say, because you know what this blog is going to be about? Selfishness. The good Christian in me says that we should be responsible and selfless. The over-educated, well paid girl in me who was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to live that single city life says "HOORAY!". I love my husband, and my babies, and are new little house, and our career driven jobs. But when we first moved to Boston, going to work in the city, not having a whole lot of expectations, going out to try restaurants and clubs and explore the sites - man, how awesome is THAT? Sitting around playing Rockband with your friends, or sharing an apartment with your college buddy - what a sweet life! I couldn't have done it forever, and honestly, I was ready for this suburban life by the time we left, but I will always be grateful for that time.
I guess the point of this article is really that men don't see the need to ever get past that low-expectation-high-disposable-income stage of life. Not being a man, I can't really speak to that, although I can see the benefits. Most women are weirdly hardwired to make and raise babies. We convince men that this is a good thing to do, and that someday they will be glad that we made them leave their happy little selfish bubble for this struggle that is parenthood. And I would guess (with really nothing to back this up), that at the end of the line, they ARE happy about being Dads. Having just gone out to dinner with my Dad, I'm pretty sure he never would have asked for 4 strong-willed girls. But even for all our adult issues, I have no doubt that he loves us very much and wouldn't give us back for all the gold in the world.
The other point that I find interesting is the thought that once a male does settle down and become a "Man", then his fun is over. Matt and I make it a point to spend our money doing "selfish" trips. Right now he's snowboarding in Maine. Without me. Because in return, I got to spend NYE partying with my friends while he watched the girls. It's sad that we can't do these awesome things together because of the wee ones, but it I think it's awesome that we can (so far) be a happy family and be happy individuals. I'm pretty sure there are certain people close to us that disapprove of our methods and believe that once you have a family, you should live your life doing only family things. I haven't done any research to see if the people who work like we do are more likely to end up in divorce, but I don't think so. In fact, the one reason one of us stays home is because it seems like that's the better option for our family. Parents maintain mental sanity, kids maintain normal home routine. Win win.
The bottom line is, I don't want to grow up. I want to live my life responsibly enough that my children turn out as capable adults with a sense of humor, and my marriage grows stronger by the year. But only *just* responsibly enough. The rest of the time I want to be having fun with other responsibly fun people :)
(thanks, Joy, for the brain food)
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