My place in this world, my plaaaaaaaaace in this world....
There are some themes that keep coming up that seem vitally important. But at the same time, I see these themes echoed all around me. How can it be vitally important if every person struggles with the same thing? Doesn't that just make it mundane? To touch on a few (first the one that is on my peripheral - doesn't feel right to bare your own soul from the outset) - the difference in life stages...
Reading this blog means you're (hopefully!) a friend of mine, in the same age category, so this is either going to ring really true to you, or about someone you know. Let's assume life starts in High School. You really become self aware, you start to contemplate your future, and that contemplation usually includes greatness (this is key to a later digression). We'll assume that is Stage 1.
Stage 2 is college and all the self discovery/realization that entails.
Stage 3 is post college real world, jobs and bills and making it on your own. Not married. And a whole new round of self discovery/realization.
Stage 4 is marriage.
Stage 5 is babies.
That's where I end, because those are the stages as I know them.
In this scenario, I am at Stage 5, and my friends are sprinkled between 3 and 5. The theme I want to talk about is being 2 places removed from your friends. It's tough, both ways. I'm going to plagiarize an email string on the subject, names removed to protect identities. (I'll give you a hint, I wrote one half :P)
"I'm in a strange place lately. Most of my closest friends are married and have transitioned into a homebody/family stage in their lives. I'm ready for that, but I don't have it and I feel left behind. So, I find myself floundering a bit. Going out a lot with a crew of quasi-friends that I'm not close to and don't talk to outside of the bar. But that's really the only thing left for me right now if I want to avoid being a hermit. I'm not unhappy. Just in limbo, I guess. Not content, but not discontent. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about how different life is from how I thought it would be as a teenager. Twenty something always seemed so glamorous, but honestly, my 20s have been they hardest years of my life. And I find myself waiting for the good stuff. Ah, well."
(and I thought...)
"This whole stage-of-life thing is pretty widespread to people of our age... Matt and I feel if very acutely in the opposite direction. Now my life revolves pretty firmly around Brynna and her schedule. It's frustrating for me to go from being footloose and fancy-free to saying "Well, we can't go out to dinner tonight because Brynna goes to bed at 8 and by the time we get to the restaurant, get food, etc, it will be too late." or getting a babysitter, which adds an extra $40 to any night out. And one of the not-joys of parenthood is a chronic state of exhaustion. I have had only about a dozen full nights of sleep in the past year. So going out after she goes to bed and leaving Matt home, while doable, takes a backseat to actually getting some sleep. Lame! For all that, I am very happy. (I would bet that half the people I know who are married are unhappy, so just remember that the 2 things are not mutually exclusive.)
It is hard for me to see my equally deserving friends without this happiness. I know they would give heart and soul for that. To settle down and have babies and live ever after with all the mess that entails. It makes me feel bad to be so happy, and hard to share the stories of the little joys in my life because I know it can hurt. And then on the other side I begin to think there is a very real possibility that you only have 2 options... be miserable and sad and lonely, or find another way to give your life meaning. And not superficial meaning. The meaning that comes from sticking with the "right path" even when it's the hard path. If a family is essential, adopt or have foster kids. But the older you get, the more selfish you get, and it's hard to imagine doing something so drastic without a support boyfriend/husband etc."
I have no cute summary for this topic. I have no straight answers. It's just something that seems to come up frequently, and I thought I'd share.
I'll save the next topic for my next blog.
Reading this blog means you're (hopefully!) a friend of mine, in the same age category, so this is either going to ring really true to you, or about someone you know. Let's assume life starts in High School. You really become self aware, you start to contemplate your future, and that contemplation usually includes greatness (this is key to a later digression). We'll assume that is Stage 1.
Stage 2 is college and all the self discovery/realization that entails.
Stage 3 is post college real world, jobs and bills and making it on your own. Not married. And a whole new round of self discovery/realization.
Stage 4 is marriage.
Stage 5 is babies.
That's where I end, because those are the stages as I know them.
In this scenario, I am at Stage 5, and my friends are sprinkled between 3 and 5. The theme I want to talk about is being 2 places removed from your friends. It's tough, both ways. I'm going to plagiarize an email string on the subject, names removed to protect identities. (I'll give you a hint, I wrote one half :P)
"I'm in a strange place lately. Most of my closest friends are married and have transitioned into a homebody/family stage in their lives. I'm ready for that, but I don't have it and I feel left behind. So, I find myself floundering a bit. Going out a lot with a crew of quasi-friends that I'm not close to and don't talk to outside of the bar. But that's really the only thing left for me right now if I want to avoid being a hermit. I'm not unhappy. Just in limbo, I guess. Not content, but not discontent. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about how different life is from how I thought it would be as a teenager. Twenty something always seemed so glamorous, but honestly, my 20s have been they hardest years of my life. And I find myself waiting for the good stuff. Ah, well."
(and I thought...)
"This whole stage-of-life thing is pretty widespread to people of our age... Matt and I feel if very acutely in the opposite direction. Now my life revolves pretty firmly around Brynna and her schedule. It's frustrating for me to go from being footloose and fancy-free to saying "Well, we can't go out to dinner tonight because Brynna goes to bed at 8 and by the time we get to the restaurant, get food, etc, it will be too late." or getting a babysitter, which adds an extra $40 to any night out. And one of the not-joys of parenthood is a chronic state of exhaustion. I have had only about a dozen full nights of sleep in the past year. So going out after she goes to bed and leaving Matt home, while doable, takes a backseat to actually getting some sleep. Lame! For all that, I am very happy. (I would bet that half the people I know who are married are unhappy, so just remember that the 2 things are not mutually exclusive.)
It is hard for me to see my equally deserving friends without this happiness. I know they would give heart and soul for that. To settle down and have babies and live ever after with all the mess that entails. It makes me feel bad to be so happy, and hard to share the stories of the little joys in my life because I know it can hurt. And then on the other side I begin to think there is a very real possibility that you only have 2 options... be miserable and sad and lonely, or find another way to give your life meaning. And not superficial meaning. The meaning that comes from sticking with the "right path" even when it's the hard path. If a family is essential, adopt or have foster kids. But the older you get, the more selfish you get, and it's hard to imagine doing something so drastic without a support boyfriend/husband etc."
I have no cute summary for this topic. I have no straight answers. It's just something that seems to come up frequently, and I thought I'd share.
I'll save the next topic for my next blog.
ooh la la! someone is famous now! :)
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