A Letter to My Body
first, it's very strange that i'm writing this. only women feel the need to talk to our bodies and reassure them that even though we are harsh critics, we are also deeply loving. and i like the idea of writing to you, if only just this once.
remember in college when we swam every day? i remember one morning at 0 dark early PT thinking "this is awesome. i feel so alive and agile and young and great!" when i would dive off that starting block, every muscle taught and thrumming, i would feel Powerful, Explosive, Alive. i wish i remembered to take stock of myself more often. well, it's probably been about 6 years, and i'm taking stock again. you just did the most amazing thing ever - stretched to ridiculous lengths, gave me a taste for what it's like to have huge boobs, and grew a baby. not just any baby, but a perfectly healthy, adorable baby. crazy. now that i'm back to normal, i can't believe that THAT belly was on THIS body. (or those boobs. i kinda miss the attention that they generated, but not the sports bras and the nursing. i think small is better - pushup bras can work wonders any time i need it, so don't worry.) the only thing that's different now is a not-perfectly-flat tummy, and perhaps a little more love around the middle. sometimes i get self-conscious about that, and you must think "WHAT THE F, WOMAN?!?!??! YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL!" i know because i think that too, so i'm trying.
i'm also conscious of the fact that tomorrow you'll be 28 years old. just on the ripe side of prime time. i have everything i could wish for. more and more i'm realizing that all that i could wish for is good health for me and my family. money and jobs and houses and cars, they're all pretty meaningless when compared to chemo and wheelchairs, eye-sight and mobility. perhaps i'm starting to realize that me and mine are not invincible. just so you know, i do not dread the fact that you will age. not to say i won't give in to the vanities of considering tummy-tucks and botox :) but i doubt i'll act on those thoughts. (if i do, it's not your fault, i swear!) i think the impending aging is a good reminder to love you as you are now, because you won't ever look better than this. so this weekend, i will go on my cruise and i will strut that little black bikini. i will shake those hips on the dance floor. and i will bat those eyelashes mercilessly at the helpless menfolk. because you are awesome. you're going to do half-marathons and triathlons, baby-making and boozing, and you will do it all for me. thank you.
remember in college when we swam every day? i remember one morning at 0 dark early PT thinking "this is awesome. i feel so alive and agile and young and great!" when i would dive off that starting block, every muscle taught and thrumming, i would feel Powerful, Explosive, Alive. i wish i remembered to take stock of myself more often. well, it's probably been about 6 years, and i'm taking stock again. you just did the most amazing thing ever - stretched to ridiculous lengths, gave me a taste for what it's like to have huge boobs, and grew a baby. not just any baby, but a perfectly healthy, adorable baby. crazy. now that i'm back to normal, i can't believe that THAT belly was on THIS body. (or those boobs. i kinda miss the attention that they generated, but not the sports bras and the nursing. i think small is better - pushup bras can work wonders any time i need it, so don't worry.) the only thing that's different now is a not-perfectly-flat tummy, and perhaps a little more love around the middle. sometimes i get self-conscious about that, and you must think "WHAT THE F, WOMAN?!?!??! YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL!" i know because i think that too, so i'm trying.
i'm also conscious of the fact that tomorrow you'll be 28 years old. just on the ripe side of prime time. i have everything i could wish for. more and more i'm realizing that all that i could wish for is good health for me and my family. money and jobs and houses and cars, they're all pretty meaningless when compared to chemo and wheelchairs, eye-sight and mobility. perhaps i'm starting to realize that me and mine are not invincible. just so you know, i do not dread the fact that you will age. not to say i won't give in to the vanities of considering tummy-tucks and botox :) but i doubt i'll act on those thoughts. (if i do, it's not your fault, i swear!) i think the impending aging is a good reminder to love you as you are now, because you won't ever look better than this. so this weekend, i will go on my cruise and i will strut that little black bikini. i will shake those hips on the dance floor. and i will bat those eyelashes mercilessly at the helpless menfolk. because you are awesome. you're going to do half-marathons and triathlons, baby-making and boozing, and you will do it all for me. thank you.
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