Good Friday

So, I'm having an inner dialogue that could use some commentary. I have decidedly fallen away from Catholicism, just in that - I don't really care or feel much of a connection. The main connection I have is more for sentimental reasons, it reminds me of home and family. As for the belief in Catholicism (not God, I'm sure He exists), I'm pretty blah.

Now I just realized that Naomi's birthday celebration is this coming friday - Good Friday - and we have plans to go out and be merry, and I'm torn. I would like to be a shining example of Christianity, but.. on one hand, I understand observing a day of silence and reflection as a tribute to the sacrifice made on our behalf. But that only holds water if you really feel indebted, grateful. And I've fallen into this generation of apathy. I feel not much of anything. Maybe it's the point I'm at in life. Maybe it's because I married an agnostic. Perhaps if we made it more of a point to make this journey together I would feel more connected to it. Probably I would feel more obligation to go through the motions of pretending to believe, and still feel inadequate.

Probably I will go out on Friday, and feel sadness for what a disappointment I am to my parents and to my own aspirations. But I'm not sure that I'll feel I'm dissappointing God. That's what I'm trying to sort out. What is the truth?

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