not much time left. not much at all
july 16, 2006
I had become so bitter with my current situation that I thought - surely I would not miss it at all. But now a sense of melancholy has taken hold that leads me to know the truth. I will indeed miss the certain things that go with a known life, miss the things that I know will be lacking or slow coming in my great wide unknown. I am glad to know that my time here has not been a complete waste. That I have made friends and impressions and I will indeed be missed (I do not think highly enough of myself to believe that this will make even one slight stutter in the mighty g-dub’s course) who knew that melancholy would be so welcome?
On the other hand, I am ready to go. This last week of underway has the tone of inevitable to me. I will not see it as a time of lasts, but instead as a necessary chore that must be completed before the party can begin. I’m scared about the whole job thing, but again – this great big capitalist world is made up entirely of jobs and opportunities. The fear I feel is unfounded and I will find a way to handle it. Above all, I miss the boy, and it amazes me to think that now I can theoretically go years without spending a night apart from him… that’s scary, but wonderfully so. And I want to write poetry, but I haven’t the presence of mind to do much more than want…
I had become so bitter with my current situation that I thought - surely I would not miss it at all. But now a sense of melancholy has taken hold that leads me to know the truth. I will indeed miss the certain things that go with a known life, miss the things that I know will be lacking or slow coming in my great wide unknown. I am glad to know that my time here has not been a complete waste. That I have made friends and impressions and I will indeed be missed (I do not think highly enough of myself to believe that this will make even one slight stutter in the mighty g-dub’s course) who knew that melancholy would be so welcome?
On the other hand, I am ready to go. This last week of underway has the tone of inevitable to me. I will not see it as a time of lasts, but instead as a necessary chore that must be completed before the party can begin. I’m scared about the whole job thing, but again – this great big capitalist world is made up entirely of jobs and opportunities. The fear I feel is unfounded and I will find a way to handle it. Above all, I miss the boy, and it amazes me to think that now I can theoretically go years without spending a night apart from him… that’s scary, but wonderfully so. And I want to write poetry, but I haven’t the presence of mind to do much more than want…
Comments
Post a Comment